


War is Never Pretty

by LadyofHuntingandHobbits



Series: Merideth and her Captain [1]
Category: War Horse (2011)
Genre: Angst, Character Death Fix, F/M, Falling In Love, Fluff, Happy Ending, Lots of Angst, Wartime Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-01-21
Updated: 2013-02-28
Packaged: 2017-11-26 15:48:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 5,874
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/651937
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LadyofHuntingandHobbits/pseuds/LadyofHuntingandHobbits
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Merideth was not fond of war. Being a nurse meant being in the midst of the horror. She thought nothing could brighten her world. That was before she met Captain James Nicholls, and her world was forever changed.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. The Captain

Merideth woke from another terrible dream. Another glimpse of war hidden in her mind, repressed.

Another reminder of the carnage surrounding her. The war was going nowhere.

She moved from the cot she slept in, as a nurse in the British Army. She tried proud of what she did, saving -and sometimes salvaging- injured men's lives. She was an unusually skilled healer (or so she had been told). But in truth it was a nightmare.

They were calling it a World War. The War to End All Wars. If only it would end sooner…

The only rewarding part of her job was the moment when a soldier thanked her for saving them from the brink of death. The look in their eyes when their pain is eased, even momentarily. The small joy of watching her patient, who had been brought in battered, bloodied, and unconscious, walk out with a smile on his face.

The worst part was watching them march off to battle, knowing without a doubt that there would be so many that come back to have to be cared for by her. Or even not come back at all.

It was for that reason that she tried not to get attached to anyone; to stay disconnected. It was the only way she could handle all the blood and death. Anything worse she feared would break her. And breaking was something Merideth could not do.

* * *

She was currently stationed somewhere relatively safe. Officers came and went, checking on their injured. They gave her looks varying from gratitude to despair.

There had been less casualties from the past battle than expected, thanks to her. Many of the other nurses came to Merideth for help when they were unsure of what to do. Her mother had been an apothecary, and so she had more knowledge of medicine and healing than most.

And yet there was another battle fast approaching. Men were already preparing to march. There was nothing left for Merideth to do but pray.

When the day came to leave, she could practically taste the fear and anxiety in the air. No one truly knew what they were marching into, both literally and figuratively.

The nurses and others who stayed behind heard nothing of the soldiers until they practically staggered back into camp. It was awful.

Merideth had of course seen her share of injuries, but this was overwhelming. The waiting soldiers were everywhere, and she had enough potentially fatal wounds to quickly deplete her supplies of medicine. Blood was splashed across the floor.

* * *

One particularly bad case took all her medical expertise to even stabilize. The next morning, when the soldier woke up, Merideth was sitting beside him. He stared up at her, wanting to ask how severe his wounds were but afraid to hear the answer.

She looked up at his face. "You're lucky to be alive, Soldier."

He chuckled lightly. "Thank you. The name's Timothy Omer. But people just call me Tim."

She smiled. "Alright, then." She moved to replace the wet cloth on his forehead.

"You are lucky to be alive," She put the new one on with a flourish and smiled down at him, "Tim."

He grinned, the ominous mood put off for a moment.

A man, in full uniform and obviously an officer, appeared at the foot of Tim's bed.

Tim noticed him first, face brightening. "Captain Nicholls."

Merideth had seen him before, in and around camp. And especially in the hospital, visiting patients. If one of his soldiers was injured, he was there to make sure they were taken care of. Very few officers had that level of compassion and dedication to their men. She had certainly taken notice of him.

And now she had one of his soldiers.

He smiled. "Hello, Tim. How are you feeling?"

"Much better, Sir."

"Good. I had heard from the other nurses that you were an especially close call."

Merideth stood and looked to the officer. "That is certainly not an exaggeration, sir."

The Captain turned to address her. "I believe I have you to thank for my soldier's life. What's your name, miss?"

"Merideth, Sir."

He grimaced slightly, then looked up at her sheepishly. "James, please. I hate "sir." It makes me sound so old."

Merideth let out a clear, joyful burst of laughter.

Both men turned to her in surprise. For a woman in her line of work, laughter was scarce. She noticed their stares quickly.

"I'm sorry. It's just that you don't hear anything very funny around here." She looked away, blushing.

James cracked a smile. "Please don't apologize. Your laugh is beautiful."

"Thank you." Their eyes met for a moment before she glanced away.

They turned as one back to the patient, who was already asleep.

James turned back to her. "I will take my leave, Miss Meredith. I will be back to check on him and to hear his full medical analysis once he has had some more rest."

"Thank you, Ca—James. I enjoyed your company."

He bowed and walked away with a smile.

Her eyes tracked him until he escaped her view.


	2. You are flirting, dear Sir

The days passed quickly after that, with Merideth looking forward to when James Nicholls would come and visit. Tim and her other patients healed nicely and most people credited her, earning her a strong reputation and respect.

She was out walking one day when she found someone walking beside her. "Hello, James."

"It is a beautiful day, is it not?"

"My patients are safe and recovering, we have not had a battle in over a week, and you are walking with me. Yes, I daresay it is a beautiful day."

He smiled, as he so often did in Merideth's presence. "I am flattered you include me in your reasons for it being beautiful."

"And why shouldn't I?"

"I do believe that you are the beautiful one here."

She smirked "And I believe that you are flirting, dear Sir."

He looked at her pointedly.

"James."

They both smiled warmly, as if they were the only two people in the world.

At that moment another officer walked up, breaking the silence. "Jim, the officers have gathered. We have received new orders. An attack is being planned."

James paled. It did not escape Merideth's notice. "Thank you, Jamie. I will be there shortly."

"Miss." The man, Jamie, nodded toward Merideth and strode off.

James turned back towards her and pulled her hand to his lips, kissing it lightly. "Till we meet again, Merideth."

Always such a gentleman. She smiled brightly as he walked away.

* * *

She could tell there was something wrong. James was agitated or worried but he would never freely admit it to anyone, not even Merideth.

One day when they were out walking, as they increasingly did, she dared to ask him.

"What's bothering you?"

He looked up, "Hmm?"

"You're nervous. Or worried."

"It's nothing for you to worry about." He chuckled nervously. "Perhaps I will have to work harder to keep my emotions in check. I do not wish to bother you."

Always the gentleman, protecting his lady from harm. As if she couldn't handle it.

She scoffed, " 'Nothing for me to worry about?' This is my war too. I have seen just as much death as you have; I can handle whatever comes my way." She started walking away from him.

James practically ran after her, looking slightly stunned. "I meant no disrespect. You should know better than any that most women would not endeavor to hear the troubles of an officer planning an attack that he does not agree with."

She stopped, and turned around, spine stiffening. "I am not an ordinary woman. 'You should know that better than any.' "

He sighed. "I am not ignorant to the fact that I am one of the few people you truly talk to. I don't get close to many either."

"I know."

They stared at each other for a few moments, then continued walking as if nothing had happened.

James slipped his hand into hers and held on tight.

* * *

It still took her some time to get James to open up, but eventually she found the truth. A cavalry charge was being planned to ambush a German camp. James, with his unfailing moral code, did not agree with it. But he had no choice.

"Orders are orders, Merideth."

"I am aware." She smirked at his irritated glance.

"Would you like to meet Joey?"

She arched an eyebrow and jerked her head sharply, "Who?"

James grinned. "My new horse. Come on, you'll love him."

She knew he was just trying to get off subject, but her interest was piqued.

The horse was spectacular, she had to admit. A red bay thoroughbred with four white socks and a star on its forehead. It was magnificent.

"Hello, Joey." She reached up to touch his muzzle, not missing James's smile from the corner of her eye.

"I think he likes you."

"I think he's just glad to be around someone other than you or Perkins."

"I think anyone is glad to not be around Perkins." They both chuckled quietly, trying not to attract attention and inherently failing.

Merideth kept catching glances between other nurses whenever the two of them strolled by. Apparently people thought they were an item. It wasn't uncommon for a soldier and a nurse to hit it off, but that only made when the soldier came in, wounded and bleeding, more devastating.

She was trying to ignore that possibility for as long as possible.

* * *

When she had a moment of time to think between her rounds at the hospital, Meredith's thoughts always returned to her dashing Captain. She had begun to think of him as her Captain. She had no idea when "Ma'am" turned to "Merideth," "Merideth" to "My Lady," and "My Lady" to "My Love." All she knew was that their relationship was not really defined by either one of them. It went beyond words. Beyond logic. And beyond normal limits.

She loved him. One day she had been standing there, watching him out on the practice field, and it had hit her with the force of a brick wall. Now she couldn't get him out of her mind.

Was he thinking of her too? Was he worried that he wouldn't return?

Did he miss her every second of the day?

Sometimes she chided herself for thinking such things. He had much more important duties and worries than her.

When she did not see James for a few days, she began to worry. Where was he? The attack had not been launched yet, and few of the soldiers had left. He hadn't even said goodbye.

And then he suddenly reappeared, disheveled and slightly distraught, even if Merideth was the only one who could see it.

She tried to reach him but he had been swamped with other officers, who had obviously been waiting for an important message or something. She could tell he had been on a mission of importance, just from what she could read from the officers' reactions.

She tried her best to see him in the next few days, but there were obvious preparations being made for the attack. He was kept constantly busy, and every time he could even catch sight of her he mouthed "I'm sorry," or "I missed you." It was the only thing that kept her going


	3. Leave of Absence

She was sitting down on a patch of grass between rounds, catching her breath, when Merideth felt a pair of hands close over her eyes.

"Guess who?" The words were whispered softly into her ear, making her spine tingle. There was no mistaking that voice.

"James!" She jumped up and spun around, throwing her arms around her Captain. Her voice was laced with delight.

He chuckled, leaning down to peck her cheek. "Hello, my love."

Just that small gesture and phrase was enough to make Merideth's breath catch and her knees feel weak. She leaned farther into the embrace, trying to hide her sudden lack of balance. She could tell by the way his arms tightened around her and how his breath caught that he had missed nothing.

She rested her head on his shoulder, nuzzling the crook of his neck softly. "I missed you." It came out barely above a whisper.

He moved slightly away from her, just enough so he could move his hands to gently lift her head and cup her cheeks. He leaned forward again till their foreheads met. "I know. I had to fight just to get here to you now."

She stared into his eyes, gratitude and love shining out.

He sighed quietly. "In fact, I can feel Jamie's eyes on us now, silently commanding me to get back to work. Perkins' and some of the nurses' too. Why don't we go somewhere private?"

"Of course," she answered, taking his hand and leading the way.

Weeks ago Merideth had stumbled upon a small meadow a few minutes' walk from camp, where she was taking James now. She had never seen anyone else there, so it felt perfect. She was hardly ever alone with him, so the opportunity for the intimacy of it just being them was not something to pass up.

As soon as they reached the meadow, James immediately swept her into his arms again and held her there. Once again, she knew something was bothering him.

"What is it?" she asked softly.

His breath left him in a rush. "You know I don't agree with this attack. Merideth. It feels…wrong. More than just morally. I feel like we are walking into a trap, and there's nothing I can do about it."

She pressed her hand, soothingly, to the side of his face. "I know. You know I do."

He looked into her eyes, and she saw innumerable emotions swimming in them. "I'm scared."

She felt tears welling in her own eyes at that. She shushed him quietly and held on tightly. Her other hand came up to touch his face, reminiscent of what he had done just minutes before.

"I know." She tilted his head down slightly and kissed his forehead. "I know."

"I don't want to leave you." His voice broke.

A tear escaped from her eye, and she was sure by now that he could feel her trembling.

"I love you," he rushed out, and brought her head up to meet his. Their broken breathing seemed to echo between them. He poured all his love and affection for her into his gaze. She shivered.

"I love you too," she whispered, returning his look.

Without warning, he captured her mouth with his and kissed her passionately, lips sliding over hers and matching perfectly. Merideth let her eyes fall closed and simply let herself enjoy the moment she had been dreaming of for weeks.

Her hands fell to his shoulders while his came up to tangle in her hair. She felt their heartbeats working in sync. It was perfect, and she let the emotions she had held for this man flow into their first kiss. The one she would never forget.

Neither wanted to pull away, but they needed air eventually. She looked up at his face and saw how flushed he was. The thought entered her mind that she had never seen a more amazing man. She could feel him staring at her in the same way.

And so they stood there, in their small pocket of peace in the midst of hell, staring into each other's eyes and holding each other close.

Who knew how much time they had left?

* * *

The next day, soldiers started gearing up and preparing themselves for the attack. Merideth suddenly realized that there was no way to stop it, prevent it, or deny that it was here. She could only try to comfort James.

Their final goodbye came early, as the officers left first. It was a moment they had both been dreading.

She could feel tears in her eyes, but resolved herself not to let them fall, not yet. She had to be strong for him. And she knew that he was doing the same for her.

When he rushed to her and gathered her to him, Merideth knew that it was almost time. She held on equally tightly and buried her nose in the crook of his neck, breathing in his scent. He placed a kiss in her hair and nudged her chin to where they were staring at each other.

She tried to memorize his face, tracing every line and scar. She could feel him doing the same. She had a heightened sense of knowing what he was doing or thinking. It was like she knew his mind better than she knew her own.

When she could look no more, Merideth dove in for a kiss. She felt like she had to make this one count. It could be their last. Neither one knew why they felt such apprehension about this mission, but it was there and they certainly weren't ignoring it.

She pulled away, breathless, and got one last good look at him. "I love you," she sighed.

He smiled. "And I love you." He moved to hold her face in his hands. "And no matter what happens, don't you ever forget."

She nodded, letting out a shaky breath. "I won't," she choked out, voice thick with emotion.

James kissed her forehead and pulled away reluctantly. "I have to go now."

"I know."

As he mounted Joey, he gave her one last look of love and longing. She let her own eyes say what her voice couldn't be trusted to:

_I love you. I will always love you._

_Come back to me._

As if he could read her mind, he mouthed one word before riding off:

_Always._

* * *

It had been a long day, and Merideth was tired. She longed to return to her tent and be able to sleep off her weariness. The pain and apprehension would not fade, that she knew. Not until James was back safe in her arms. But she could still use the physical relief.

It had been three days. There was no word that the attack had either succeeded or failed. She had no idea what to think. It was terrifying, like her own life was on the line next to his.

There was no doubt that her heart was.

She shook her head as of trying to shake the depressing thoughts away. But they went nowhere. And she knew they weren't going away any time soon.

God, she needed some sleep.

* * *

Everyone had ran out of their tents when the bloody soldier came thundering into camp, obviously frantic and in shock. A messenger had been expected for days, but none had come. Some had began to assume the worst, and this arrival seemed to confirm their fears.

Once off his horse, it took a few minutes to get him calmed down enough until he could be properly understood. Merideth worked her way through the gathering crowd, desperate to hear the news.

He was shaking. That was certainly not a good sign. Up close, Merideth could see the blood covering him, and she paled.

"The attack… they had to have known about it." A few gasped at the implied betrayal. "We were charging, no real resistance in sight, and then we came to the trees. They had heavy artillery. We didn't stand a chance. They slaughtered us."

Merideth let out a shaky breath, trying to maintain her composure and not fall apart in front of everyone.

_James_

"Did you see any other survivors?" Someone asked.

After a moment of tortured silence came the dreaded answer. "… No."

She shut her eyes, unable to hold back the tears slipping past.

_James_

Her legs, suddenly unable to hold her weight, crumpled beneath her and she sank to the ground with an anguished sob.

The others looked at her, knowing the pain she must be going through. This wasn't easy for any of them, but they had all figured out her and James' relationship. A love like theirs was hard to miss. She wasn't grieving; she was broken.

Some of the nurses held her as she wept, shaking and inconsolable.

_James_

_James_

_Oh God, James_

His name was the only sane though in her head, a repeating mantra of love and sorrow.

Apparently she had been repeating it out loud, as well. The bloodstained soldier who delivered the news knelt down and touched her face. "You were Captain Nicholls girl, weren't you, love?"

She gave a small nod, tears still streaming down her face.

He exhaled slowly, painfully. "I'm so sorry, love. He was a good man."

She could only nod again in response.

_James_

_You said you would come back_

_James_

_Please, James_

_Don't leave me here_


	4. The Notebook

Merideth stared blankly at the chart she had been given for her newest patient, a soldier come down with pneumonia. There was little she could do at this point, as he had let it go on for too long without saying anything or seeking help.

She felt helpless. Torn. Broken.

She had just found out James had been killed the previous evening. It was a wonder she was upright and walking at all. But this was the army, after all. You didn't get breaks.

Not for a dead soldier.

She heard footsteps and turned to find Jamie walking up to her. He bowed. "Merideth, there's something I need to show you."

Curious, she followed him into the tent. James' tent. Her heart fluttered thinking about all the places that he had been and touched. This had been his home.

Jamie led her to the desk, where a leather-bound journal sat. He picked it up and offered it to her stiffly, trying to hide any emotion. "This is - was – his sketchbook. He, um, he would have wanted you to have it." The Major sounded choked up. She thanked him and asked to be alone.

Merideth sank to the nearest chair –James' chair—and carefully lifted the cover. She gasped. It was full of drawings of Joey. They were stunning. She had never seen any of his artwork before.

She could barely hold herself together while flipping through the little bundle of pages. There were letters as well, notes on Joey's health. They were all addressed to someone named "Albert." As she kept reading, Merideth realized that he must have been Joey's original owner. In one of the letters James mentioned a promise he had made, of one day returning Joey to him. Her breath caught in Merideth's throat. James would never be able to fulfill his promise.

But maybe she could.

At that moment she knew that the right thing would be to get James' notebook to the Albert. She had been having a rough time lately, and could probably get a special leave to go deliver it. She had been getting close to having a few weeks off, anyway. She took a deep breath. _Well, let's get to it, then._

* * *

Merideth took a moment to enjoy the smell of the English countryside. It reminded her of her own home. She had asked around and was told that she could find Albert at a little farm a few miles from town. Now she was approaching that gate of said farm, and apprehension invaded her thoughts.

What was she going to say to him? What if he asked about James? Could she bear to recount those precious memories to a stranger? What if he got emotional? Yes, she dealt with people in physical pain on a daily basis, but grief and sadness were usually pushed to the side in a warzone. She knew as well as any.

She had to take a steadying, calming breath before crossing into the yard to find her target. She found him and his parents working in one of the lower back fields. As she approached, they all looked up and stared at her questioningly.

_Right, they're waiting for me to say something. I am the intruder, after all. The harbinger of bad news._

She turned to the boy. "You're Albert, correct? I have something for you."

He looked so eager that she hated having to dash his hopes. He saw her grave expression and she could see his instant fear. "Who are you?" he asked.

"My name is Merideth. I'm a nurse in the army. With Captain Nicholls," she said choppily.

Realization dawned on his face. "Is this about Joey? Is he alright? Did something happen to Captain Nicholls?"

She sighed. Might as well not have to draw this out. "I'm sorry, Albert. They were both killed in an ambushed attack."

Albert visibly tried to hold himself together in the presence of this strange nurse, but seeing it broke Merideth's heart. He took a shaky breath and looked back at her. "Were there any survivors?"

She shook her head. "Only one that I know of, and he was at the back of the formation. Ja—Captain Nicholls would have been at the front. "

"Oh."

"However, Albert, there is another reason why I came here; to give you this." She held out the notebook. "Captain Nicholls would have wanted you to have this."

He took it gently, as if he was afraid it would break. Albert lifted the cover and gasped. "It—it's Joey!" he stammered.

She nodded sadly. "There are letters in there too, addressed to you."

His look of a happy sorrow was almost more than Merideth could handle.

He glanced up. "Thank you," he breathed. He continued flipping though everything. She saw him take out a letter and a drawing and put it behind the notebook in his hand, as if he were making sure he would not forget to look at them later. She didn't see what they were.

She smiled through the tears she was fighting back. "You're very welcome." She turned to walk away.

Albert practically ran after her. "Did- did you know Captain Nicholls? Did you ever see Joey?"

She turned back to the boy. "Yes, I did. I knew the Captain better than most. And your Joey was very strong and handsome. James was proud of him."

"James?"

She remembered her mistake. "Captain Nicholls."

"Ah."

She smiled sadly again. This was harder than she thought it would have been.

"Well, I guess that's good," he said. "I know Joey would have done his best."

She could only nod in response.

"Well, I guess you're going to have to go back sooner or later," he said. He tried to hand the notebook back to Merideth.

"No, Albert. That notebook is yours now. Everything in it is addressed to you."

"But… then what about these? He pulled out the two items he had placed in the back earlier and held them out to her.

She took them hesitantly. The first one was a letter, addressed to her. She couldn't even handle the thought of reading it right now, with Albert watching her so closely. She put it behind the other sheet.

She almost dropped the picture when she saw it. It was her. James had drawn a picture of her, sitting alone and staring off into the distance, a sad -yet peaceful- expression on her face. She had never been aware he had been watching her when he drew this. She flipped it over and saw the note. He left a date and caption, also addressed to her: _"Merideth, when you thought no one was looking, I was. I will always be watching over you."_

That was all she could take before a sob escaped her throat. Albert rushed to her. "Ma'am? Merideth? Are you okay?"

She nodded, fighting to get herself composed. She couldn't do this, not right now. Right now she was supposed to be the strong one, damn it. "I'll be fine."

"You and Captain Nicholls, you were together, weren't you?"

Well, she guessed she had made that obvious by her reaction. "Yes. You're a bright lad, Albert. Thank you for giving me these."

He shrugged. "I figured they belonged to you," he said. "It seems Captain Nicholls did, anyway," he added with a grin.

She grinned back. "I guess you're right." She glanced at her watch. It was time to go. She said her goodbyes to Albert, who thanked her profusely.

Then she left, wiping away the wet tear tracks from her face.

* * *

When Merideth was back on the train, she permitted herself to open the letter. She tried to keep her hands from shaking.

_"My dearest Merideth, if you are reading this then I am sure that the attack did not go well, as we had feared. No doubt you believe me to be dead, and Jamie gave you my notebook as I requested._

_This is not a goodbye letter, as there is always hope that we will see each other again. This is simply me stating my feelings for you. I love you, and each day I long for the sight of you. When we are together I am able to temporarily forget the sorrows of war. I am able to feel safe. Perhaps there might even be –or have been- a possibility for a life for us, once this hell is over. War is never pretty, but you have taught me to never give up on hope._

_With all my love, James"_

Merideth sat frozen in her seat, tears now spotting the letter. She had long since abandoned the attempt to stay calm. She finally allowed herself to break down, letting out the sobs which she had held in for so long. It was hard to let her composure slip, something that she had worked for years to build and maintain.

When she could cry no more, she reread the letter. _Never give up on hope_ , he had said. How could she ever have any more hope?

But James had wanted her to. She could do it for him.

* * *

When she returned to camp, she expected the same gloomy scene as before. She looked around for someone to give her an update on anything that she had missed. Almost everyone was gone.

"Hello?" she called. She approached the nurses tent, looking for anyone she knew.

One of the nurses rushed out to greet her. She looked hurried, frantic. When she saw Merideth, her expression lit up. "Merideth!" she shouted.

The girl came up and grasped Merideth's forearms, practically jumping with excitement. Merideth didn't understand. Since when was a war camp happy?

"What? What happened?" Merideth asked, puzzled.

"You'll never believe it! They found him! And others!"

"What?!" _No, it can't be… it's not possible…_

The nurse took a deep breath and stared into her eyes. "Merideth, James is alive."

She pushed past and nurse and ran.

_I'm coming, James._


	5. Reunion

Merideth rushed through the entrance to the tent where James was. Everyone backed out of her way, knowing that there was no point in attempting to get her to slow down. 

They formed a path to her waiting Captain. She sped down it, not yet willing to let herself believe it until she saw him herself. 

At last she found his cot, where he was awake and weakly smiling up at her. “James!” she cried, and flung herself into his embrace, something that she thought she would never experience again.

_James is alive_

_I’m not alone_

_He came back for me_

She looked up at his face, with tears streaming freely down to match her own. She hesitantly reached up a hand to stroke his cheek, finally able to let go of the sorrow that she had been holding onto for so long. 

He smiled at her again, content now that she was by his side once more. “Hello, my love,” he whispered.

She froze at his voice, hearing the suppressed pain and exhaustion. The medical, methodical part of her brain began to set in and she pulled back, her gaze roaming over his body and assessing his injuries and symptoms.

James, of course, knew exactly what she was doing. 

He reached up to touch her cheek, drawing her attention to him and away from her panic. “It’s okay, Merideth,” he whispered. “I’m here. It’s okay.”

She choked out a sob and leaned into the hand cupping her cheek.

* * *

If she fell asleep in the chair that had been moved next to James’s cot, hand still entwined with his, she guessed that the other nurses knew she needed it. They told her not to worry about any shifts or duties other than watching over her Captain. 

James didn’t want to talk about it, but slowly she pieced together what happened: someone had let the Germans know about their attack, and so they were ready for them with machine guns. The British cavalry had no chance. James had been knocked off his horse with a blow to the shoulder, and blacked out. Covered in dirt and blood, the Germans had bypassed him, thinking him to be dead. 

When James had woken up alone on the battlefield with the Germans gone and surrounded by bodies, he had kept calm and searched for survivors. There were five in all, but only three had made it back to camp. James had cleaned their wounds as best he could; the way Merideth had shown him. Eventually horses that had fled the battle were rounded up and used to get back to camp. It had taken days. 

Now, sitting next to her brave Captain, Merideth could only marvel at how he had managed it all. He would obviously be commended, for being wounded and saving two other soldiers. She took a moment to bask in pride. That was her James. 

He was asleep as she gazed at him. He looked so young without pain to twist his expression. The thought hit her that she never wanted to be separate from him again. She wanted to grow old with this man, to retire in the country and start a family. She honestly had thought that she could never have something so peaceful, not after all she had seen. _But maybe with James…_

A cough broke her from her daydreams. James had woken up and was staring at her intently. “What are you thinking about, my dear?” he asked. 

She smiled at him. “You.”

He arched a playful eyebrow at her. “That sounds dangerous.”

They stared at each other quietly before breaking out into laughter. It just felt so good to be together again. She squeezed his hand. “I love you.”

“I know.”

Suddenly she was hit with sadness for what had almost happened and felt tears sting her eyes. “I thought I would never see you again,” she choked out.

He shushed her and leaned over to her, stroking her face and whispering soothingly. “But I’m here now, love. I told you I would come back, didn’t I? Never give up on hope, remember?” He kissed away her tears.

She smiled weakly before pulling back and taking the letter out of her pocket. She glanced back up at him. “Did you mean it? Even a life for us after the war?”

James drew her in for a lingering kiss that left her head spinning. “Every word,” he whispered against her lips.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm not saying there's gonna be an adorable and fluff-filled epilogue for this… but there's gonna be an adorable and fluff-filled epilogue for this. If you beg me, I might throw in a few timestamps eventually!


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